Spang in mid-life. I find myself watching Sarah and my Mom. This highway of life, two cars, one on the north end, and one on the south end... one's going slower, and one's just flying. I'm just sort of in neutral, parked where I can see them both.
I want to shout back to Sarah, tell her some things I wish I'd known when I was her age, and I want to shout to Mom and ask her to give me some wisdom so I don't have to 'learn by doing' anymore. So I can skip the icky stuff and just sail on into the South lane with no bumps.
I guess that'd be cheating, wouldn't it? I guess even if she told me, I'd not really take the advice anymore than Sarah would mine. I guess that's why we each have our own lives to live.
Still, it'd be so much easier, to know what to do, to have all the answers - some kind of instruction manual for each phase of our lives. I'm sure I'd read it, just I don't know if I'd live by the thing or not.
I just feel that right now, at this point in my life, I'm about to bump into some profound discovery, some deep great meaning and understanding of something, some.. thing .. but I'm just not exactly sure what this thing is. It's like a warm piece of just made cotton candy - the way it lifts into the air in the spinner, just a small tiny strand, and you can grab it, but if you're not careful, it's going to break and be lost. I know that can't make sense to anyone but me, but.. if I'm really careful, and I'm not clumsy, I feel like I'm about to latch onto some understanding..
*laughs*
ok ok, well that's why this topic is in the "peculiar thoughts" section of my journal. moving on...
Posted by juel at June 29, 2003 01:14 AM