My first born. The one Bonnie calls the "golden child". When she was a little girl, she was my golden child. This is going to sound corny, I know, but bear with me anyway.. keep in mind this is just the rambling of a mother.
She was raised in church. At first, I didn't take her, for years, mom did. Sarah knew how to be still and listen to the sermon. She was 'preaching' by the time she was three. Singing most of the songs in the hymnal by heart by 4. I used to watch her, amazed that she was my child. She'd see to it that we prayed before eating. She'd remind me that Jesus loved me when she sensed I was having a bad day.
Sometimes she'd pick up a hairbrush, climb up on my coffeetable, put the brush to her lips, pretending it was a microphone, and she'd start 'preaching'. She'd preach for hours, literally.. repeating what she'd learned in church. She would warm up and then start preaching harder, more passionately, slapping her thigh for emphasis as her sermon became more heated.
I knew she was going to make a difference in the world. I was certain of it. When I started going to church, I'd watch her..and get cold chills. I knew she was special. Not just because she was my child, but because she was truly
golden. Her aura. The child was literally wrapped in the protection and the light of God. Anyone with eyes could see that, and did. I just knew this child was going to make a difference in the world. Somehow.
At that time, I was terrified if I had to spank her. I remember having to spank her to get her to stay out from behind a pony. He was wild, and I was afraid he was going to kick her. I remember cringing as I did so, just positive that God would open the heavens and send a bolt of lightening down, smiting me on the spot.
We drifted away from church, when the girls got older. All of us. Our lives were full and busy, prayers at mealtime were forgotten. Once in a while we still tugged out our bibles and read from them.. once in a while. Sarah's aura changed, the gold dimmed, but never really died.
For a long time, she lived her life, busy, running here, there, working, dating, marrying, eventually having children.. doing her Sarah things. Getting into trouble, laughing, getting out of trouble, but always, always with the most tender heart. She never could stand hurting someone. She never could bring herself to judge anyone. She never could make herself 'tattle' on anyone.
She's done what all of us have done, experienced life, tasted adventures, laughed, cried, had good times and bad times. Sometimes she's been an outright shit. *laughs* But haven't we all? Those times though, eat her up inside. She can't stand it until she's apologised and made things right. Even sometimes when she had every right to be a shit.
I love this child. In her, I still see the golden aura. Sometimes it dims, but it's there. She has the potential to do wonderful things in this world...and I still know she's going to make a big difference...as I know she's already made differences in the lives of so many of those she's touched.
No one is going to pull the wool over this child's eyes. No one earthly is going to move this mountain. No one is going to make her do anything she doesn't want to do. And no one is going to hurt her. Of that, I'm certain. She still has that protection. I think it's there for a reason.
In having 'feelings' or.. 'premonitions' tonight, I'm feeling like hard times are coming her way. I'm feeling like she's going to have a burdon. I hope it's not too heavy. I'm sure if it is she can bear it.
In case you didn't know it, Sarah, I'm proud of you.
Posted by juel at October 27, 2004 12:01 AM