I find it odd, that she knows so much about Mamaw, but she doesn't recognize her in photos when Mamaw was younger. The only ones she recognizes her in are the last ones, the latest pictures before Mamaw died. Then she points and says with much excitement, "That's MY Grammaw!".
In Mamaw's youthful photos, Mikyla insists, no, that's not my "Grammaw", that's a picture of Granny. I noticed when we talked tonight, she didn't call Mom Dranny anymore, but Granny. She's getting too big.
Anyway...she informed me that she and her Grammaw used to feed each other chocolate pudding, and they used to plant flowers and work together in the garden...she told me that one of Mamaw's favorite things were "Muffin Cakes".
That made me smile. Mamaw's "muffins" were just cake mix poured into muffin pans and no frosting on top. She liked them like that and made them often. I know I never told Mikyla that, the simple truth is I'd forgotten that until tonight.
Maybe Sarah remembered that and told Mik, or maybe Mom or Lisa did. I'll have to ask them.
I forgot too, that Mamaw had trouble with her legs and often had to have papaw rub alcohol on them. She'd say they were hurting so bad they were killing her.. and then would add, "It must be fixin' to rain." Mik told me that she used to have to rub Mamaw's feet alot.
One thing she said, I'm not sure about. I asked her what was Mamaw's favorite song. She replied without hesitation, "Down by the River." I don't recall Mamaw ever singing that one at any of the singalongs. I always thought her favorite gospel song was "The Old Rugged Cross." Again, I'll have to ask Mom. She'll know.
She was on such a roll tonight, that I called mom to have Mik tell her too, but Mikyla clammed up. She said she'd tell mom in person, but not over the phone, and she tried to get Mom to come over even though it was almost 1 a.m. The movie Shark Tales didn't hold her interest, she just talked and talked.. with such enthusiasm. I'd start to tell her something about Mamaw, and she'd either correct me, or she'd interrupt with a memory of her own involving Mamaw.
When Mikyla talks like this, it bother's Mom. She feels like it's a warning.. I don't get scared, somehow it makes me feel safe, like when Mikyla gets to wanting to talk about her, I start thinking there definately has to be some plain on which Mamaw still exhists, and still loves her Muffin Cakes. Someplace all of us will eventually be together again. I sorta like that thought. However... like Loretta Lynn sings in one of her old gospel songs...'Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.' I don't want anyone else to die either, so if it is a warning like Mom thinks, ugh.. ok, I won't go down that avenue, because when I do, that's when I get scared. Not of dying, but of having to live while someone else I love passes. Even knowing there's that other place waiting, it's still a scary road and I don't like thinking about that.
I do though sit listening to Mikyla and I can't help but smile. She just makes Mamaw sound so very alive, so very real, that I can't help but get comfort from it.
I just can't help it.
Posted by juel at February 17, 2005 02:32 AM