...with my arm up to my elbow up a turkey's ass, fishing for the neck - which I'm sure is in there - and though I had the damned thing in the refrigerator thawing since Thursday night, the neck was still so solidly frozen to the bird's ribcage that I thought it was a deformity - I didn't think I was ever gonna get that sucker loosened up and out of there. Only the image of Mom laughing her ass off (again) because I'd neglected to remove the innards before baking the turkey kept me diligently trying to get that neck the hell out of that bird.
It came loose with this awful sucking sound, schwoooop, and the bird flew out of the pan, landing in the sink, the neck slipped out of my hand and sailed upwards and almost hooked itself onto the curtain rod above the window, but I finally got the damned thing out.
I've read that we're never supposed to thaw a turkey outside of the refrigerator, it just gives bacteria the opportunity it's been waiting for to breed and make our families sick as dogs. We're supposed to thaw it out for a few days in the lower portion of the refrigerator, so that's what I do.. but it never fails, they never EVER thaw completely when I do that. It drives me nuts, but I'm always afraid if I put it down there for 4 days the thing will end up rotting on me and boy-o wouldn't the hungry family be disappointed on the holiday at dinner time then?
You know if you're not really careful trying to pull that frozen neck out of that bird, you could really hurt yourself. I bet you there've been folks who've cut their arms clean off by grabbing that thing wrong.
Anyway, the turkey's busy baking in the oven and I have 5 dozen eggs on the stove fixin' to boil for dying and deviling. I'm bathed and coiffed and sitting here in amazement that it's only 7 in the morning. Good grief. I have 8 hours to kill now until we have to be at Lisa's for dinner.
Good God my favorite cousin isn't gonna be there today because she has to work, this isn't gonna be too fun because Lisa's favorite is gonna be there and I know they'll sit and gossip and simper and drink their coffee and smoke their cigarettes and Mom and Brenda will join forces, heads together, gossiping and laughing, Sarah and Bonnie will do much the same, and I'll be on the other side of the table smoking and my cousin-in-law will cough into her hand because I will be poisoning her lungs and she'll smile at me like I'm the biggest doofes this side of the Mississippi River, but she can suffer it, suffer me until the day's over and she can escape, and we won't gossip, and we won't tell dirty jokes, and we won't make fun of the men, or of Lisa and Shannon and *sigh* Shelly, why did they decide to make you work on Easter, boy-o that bites. Not that I don't love my cousin-in-law, I do, she's cool, just...she's a non smoker and that right there is enough to take the wind out of any smoker's sails! Maybe I can corrupt her and get her to light up.. start smoking... if you can't beat us, join us. I may give it a shot...
My drier just puked out my sneakers. Yes, I'm wearing them today. We're going to be in the field out back at Lisa's hiding and hunting Easter eggs with the kids and Roy told us yesterday that he killed a 3 foot long rattler up there yesterday.. I'd prefer steel toed boots but they wouldn't go with my ensemble.
Any time I try to dry shoes in the drier, they spin around in there, flopping and thumping and then suddenly the drier door pops open and the shoes fly out. It looks like the folks who make driers would think about putting a lock on the outside of the doors for us for when we wash shoes, doesn't it...
I'm still looking for a wringer washer. I hear it's not impossible to find one, but so far it's been pretty difficult for me. Either there's none around, or folks don't want to give them up. I'll keep trying.
Okay, I've killed almost 30 minutes. The eggs have to be done by now, gonna go dye them. Enjoy the day!
Posted by juel at April 16, 2006 07:17 AM