The kids are all sleeping, the house is cool and quiet. I love the quiet time, but I'd not like it if I had to listen to it much. This has been a busy week - the family will be in for the memorial service tomorrow, and I've been trying to get the house straightened up.. with the help of 4 little ones, sparkling eyes, eager hands, helping me smear in the breakfast butter on the kitchen table. God love 'em... I don't know what I'd do without them. Sometimes I think I'm gonna go crazy tripping over either them or their toys, or listening to arguing, screaming and fighting nonstop, but I tell you, I'd not trade my life for anything.
"Kiss the peach, Mammy" (Mikyla pointing to her chubby cheek)
"Y'lappa" (Joel wanting to sit on my lap)
"Make me scrambled potatoes!" (Mallory, of course)
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa..." (Maegan wanting down to play)
So many kids, so much need (want). At 11 I tell them I'm off the clock, no more running, shut your eyes, the day's over, Mammy's off now. And I pretend to punch a time clock. When I tell Mikyla that, she knows I'm not running for any more water, no more pickles, no more movie changes, no more anything. I'm done. She gets tickled and says "Mammy, that's not a real clock."
I'm tired and company will be in tomorrow for Harroll's service. I can't imagine losing a son like that. He was only 42 years old - a few years younger than me, but Topsy's son - to be sent home in a box, just ashes, we will always wonder if that's really him, or someone else. I know I will always wonder. I'll wonder lots of things - like, why would anyone choose the life he chose? Why would someone want to kill him? Was he scared? Did he know it was coming? No, I don't ever want to lose a child of mine. Not in any manner, but most certainly not like that. I dread tomorrow.
Topsy will want to look. I think any mother would want to see, need to see. Ugh. I really feel sorry for her. She's had a tough life. I guess tomorrow's gonna be tougher, but I don't know, in a way, maybe it's easier like this - easier in that while it's most likely him, yeah it's him - maybe she'll reject the idea, insist it's not, and be able to live with hope that one day the phone will ring and it will be him. With my rose colored glasses, I'm sure that's what I'd do.
Lisa and Mom were over here earlier. Dad had ordered me 2 of the prettiest bracelets from one of those jewelery shows he watches.. and they came in the mail today. Each one has birthstones and names on them - the first one has my name and Stan's, and Sarah's and Bonnie's, and our stone colors, and the second one has my name and Mikyla's and Joel's and Mallory's and Maegan's names and our stones on them. I can't get over how pretty they are. I thought it was cool that they got here the same day Dad got home from Florida. He got to come back sooner than I thought he would, and no sooner did he hit the door, he and mom were bickering in the way that makes them Mom and Dad and it felt good to have him home again. I could tell Mom was glad too, she was fussing and going on over him fixing his oxygen tubes, cooking dinner, pouring coffee - all the while grumbling and mumbling like Aunt Bea from the Andy Griffith show might have done if she'd been married. *laughs* I think all Mom needs is the apron.
Oh! About Bonnie. She and Kelly are back together and are talking marriage again. He's joined the National Guards and leaves on July 17 for boot camp, and wants to get married before he goes. There's no time to plan anything at all, and they're talking about getting married in my backyard. I... only have a 10x10 backyard, so I'm not sure how that's gonna go over, but then again, those two change their minds like Mikyla changes outfits, so I'm not gonna worry about it. If it happens it happens..
Did I ever tell you all that my sister SUCKS? She knows we have that box here, and she's sure that things are gonna go bump in the night around here tonight.. and she had to go and tell me that my front door opened "all by itself" while she was on the porch earlier, said "I swear, I saw it with my own eyes!"
Ha ha, it was funny at the time cuz I knew better, but I swear, it's not so funny at 2 in the morning with cats in the yard screaming trying to mate (isn't that one of the most eerie sounds?) and the house settling.. oh Lisa I'm gonna get you for this tomorrow.
While it's on my mind, isn't it funny how some people percieve you? Dad said he thought of me the other day when he was in the parking lot at Wendy's. He said he was just looking out the truck window and saw a bird with one leg. Oh, there's a one legged bird - that makes me think of Juel. *laughs* God love ya, Dad. I'm... touched.
Did you ever realize that having a Mother is like having a Genie? Sometimes it's just bizarre how they can make wishes come true. Just the other day I was sitting there wishing I had some banana pudding and poof, the next day Mom opens her fridge door and there was the biggest bowl of banana pudding I ever saw! Isn't that amazing!?
Tiffany, I haven't forgotten your socks, I'm just a procrastinator, I'll get them to you asap!
Pete, I hope your back's better soon!
Goodnight World, have a wonderful tomorrow, and if you see any crippled up old birds --- well.. any maimed animals of any kind, really --- don't forget - think of me!!
Posted by juel at June 30, 2006 02:26 AM