I wanted to post a little about Papaw, how he's doing, what he's doing now, I post pics of him almost daily.. but I haven't talked about what's going on with him. He's in congestive heart failure, and of course, that blood clot. He absolutely refuses to go back to a hospital, the very mention of it sends him into a very visible panic attack. It terrifies him, so Mom promised him no more hospitals. No more of anything he doesn't want done. If one day he wants something to eat, fine, if he doesn't feel like eating, that's fine too.. we all try to encourage him to eat and drink, but we don't try to force him. He's tired, and he's ready to go.
He still knows me, he knows Lisa and Mom and Dad.. though sometimes he calls Dad "that old man with the pool". He knows Don, calls Don "Jr." and "My Buddy". He loves it when Don sits in there talking to him or just holding his hand. He still consistantly recognizes Shannon and Tommy Gerald too.
He's getting more and more confused as days go by, he talks some nonsense, well.. nonsense to us, but maybe it makes perfect sense to him, who can say.
Today he told Dad that the woman who ran that place does a really good job.
Anthony and Lynn came to see him this week. He's had a steady stream of visitors for weeks now. He told me this evening that he had a lot of company lately. Then he told me he needed to build a special shelf for his television. He wanted one that had a long shelf at the side that angled down so he could slide it down in front of the window if he felt like it, then slide it back up on the dresser when he felt like it. Too, he said, he could put his toiletries from the window sill onto it, it'd be mighty handy. I told him we could get up and build one, but he said no, it was too much work.
He's so easy going. He smiles gentle smiles now, and he talks like a child.. soft and sweet. He told me he just loves everybody. There's no one out there he doesn't love, he said he didn't care what color they are or who they are, or what they've done - he loves everybody on this whole wide world. He shook his right fist for emphasis while he said it.
Don left going home for a few days yesterday, and Lonnie's on his way in tonight. They've sure been good to come help through this. I was supposed to go spend the night with Mom tonight but Lisa stayed instead. I believe Carol said that they'll be back on Monday or Tuesday, unless something happened that they had to come back sooner.
He has mentioned several times that someone is standing in the corner of the room. He said he can't make out who it is, but they're standing there watching him. That's sort of eerie, but I've taken tons of photos, no anomolies whatsoever in any of them. Still.. he insists someone's there. I believe him.
He's scared of the dark - he wants the lamp on. Last week, he just kept telling us how afraid he was.. when I stayed overnight he had me hold his hand all night, if I stepped out to smoke, he knew it, told me he was scared to death, but he didn't know what he was scared of. That's hard to hear, I hate thinking that he's afraid. He's not been as bad this week, he seems more content. I've only heard him mention being scared once.. that was tonight. Mom said Lisa turned off the light and he asked Mom to put it back on for him.
He's back to sleeping in his lift chair. He doesn't like that hospital bed a bit. The last time he was in it, he went into fits, "Lorene, get me out of here, you take me home!" He thought he was back in a hospital. He didn't calm down either until they got him back into his chair. That satisfied him. As of an hour or so ago, he was sleeping soundly. Maybe he'll rest good tonight. I sure hope so.