I'm sorry I've not updated in a while, I do have some pretty pictures of the babies at Christmas, and the whole family. I will get them posted asap, I've just been pretty sick the past week or so.
Ot, I got your mail, I didn't mean to not reply, I just have been feeling pretty under the weather. Thanks for the Thanksgiving card, I didn't get it, but thank you for the thought. My mom didn't get my Christmas card either.. :( Blah!
That's what I get for using a different card shop then my own! (*grins*) Please tell Shell hi for me, and that this time, SHE owes Me a mail! so HA!
Pete, I hope you and your family had the BEST Christmas ever! I'm sorry I've not been around, tell the youngins howdy for me, and tell BETH I said KICK-ASS on her college acceptance! I'm PROUD of that gal!!
Meli, if you check here, let me say a hello and belated Merry Christmas to you, I'm sorry I've not written, but I will soon, I haven't disappeared totally, I have GOSSIP ABOUT SARAH, I don't want to tell you here all about her being pregnant again and about me getting to name the baby, and how I'm leaning towards the name "Meagan" for a girl (Mae is my grandmother's middle name) and "Tristan" for a boy, (no one's namesake here, I just love the name, from Pitt's character in Legends of the Fall) *coughs* But.. I really should wait and tell you that gossip in a private mail, and I WILL. As soon as I get off my lazy sorry good for nothing booty and do it. Please tell Mark howdy for me, and let him know we all keep him (and you) in our prayers!
Tiffany, Gera, I haven't mailed your gifts yet. I am guilty of nonmailing of Christmas and Wedding gifts in the first degree. At the risk of being redundant, *whines* I've been sick, too sick to live, and I was still breathing a little so everyone refused to bury me! I will, as soon as humanly possible, and I hope you like them!
Tanya, your quilt is coming along quite crookedwardsly. Still, I think it's gonna be pretty. A tad late, but pretty.. Merry belated Christmas to you, I hope you had a nice and safe one!
Mom, the card you didn't get read, said something to this effect:
Dear Mom,
Thank you for all you do all year, Christmas Eve dinner was wonderful, the gifts were far and away too fantastic! I watched everyone open their gifts, their faces full of pure joy and excitement, and as always I was amazed and awed at how you manage to make Christmas so special. You taught me to make a pretty decent Christmas Day Dinner, and while I KNOW everyone enjoyed my dinner, I'll never be able to put that special oomph in things, the way you do the whole year through. I love you very very much. Merry Christmas!
Sarah, thank you for the gifts, wow they were so neat! I love LOVE pajamas with feet! I'm still looking for yours and Bonnies, I KNOW they're here someplace. I know they are.
Jessica, I'll get on your next excerpt asap. I WILL! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas.
Smiley Girl's Favorite Lady: Thank you for the scarf! That was SO cool! I love it, and you made it match Mikyla and Mallory! You're Awesome!!!!!!!!
To all of you out there, I love you very much, stay safe, stay healthy, and have the absolute BEST New Year EVER! Take care of yourselves!
If you're looking for a way to help the victims of Asia's Tsunami, click the red link below
for the list of links and addresses to such organizations as Actions Against Hunger,
ADRA International, Air Serve International, American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee,
the American Red Cross, ARMDI, Israeli Red Cross, Mercy Corps, and other organizations
that have crisis funds set up for the victims:
So many people. I can't imagine how it would feel to lose one of my grandchildren. Some of these people have lost their whole families. I can't comprehend the losses they've suffered, and I feel so helpless. The only way I know to try to help any of them it through prayer and a donation. I hope everyone who looks here, does the same. Please do something to help these people. Please.
*just cracks up laughing*
...after reading this generic redneck handbook, I would feel.. wrong!
Before you read this excerpt from the Manual, please refer to this link:
http://www.darkdarling.com/weblog/archives/000337.html
And now, for your reading pleasure, I bring you the first excerpt from the aforementioned recently discovered Handbook:
Big Mouth No Brain Books
Published by Big Mouth No Brain Books
Copyright 1812 by William Joseph James Robert Smith
All Rights Reserved
Chapter 1, Page 1)
Welcome to the most important club you will ever join. My name is William Joseph James Robert, but you can call me Billy Joe Jim Bob. I come from humble origins, from a long line of men who have lived their lives according to the codes found in this book, which was up until now unwrit and unpublished.
I saw a need, and I got busy. I told my woman exactly what I wanted writ down, and now we have here and forevermore, the code of conduct, secrets, rules and recipes for a long and happy life. I was happy when my woman read it back to me, because it said just what I wanted it to say.
First of very all, we must set our sights on a woman we would like to marry. We must woo and coddle her, make her think her life with us will be all roses and romance. Since women are basically stupid, it's a simple thing to have them believe this. The momentary humiliation of doing little things for them, like opening a door for them, or giving them a wild flower you picked by the side of the road, will be far outweighed by the long term benefits. Believe me.
Do what you have to do. Say what you have to say. Make them smile, cause them to giggle. Bring them gifts, yes, even brush their hair for them. Only slap them when you just can't see no other way around it, and then say you're sorry and give her a present. It doesn't have to be much, a cheap trinket will work just fine.
The object is to get a wife. The thing is, you don't want her to know that. You must never EVER let her know that. It is all important that you make her think that marriage is the last thing you want. You must make her think that while you enjoy her company, that's all it will ever be. You MUST let her believe that you have only come around to a mind of marriage after painstakingly fighting the emotions that have eventually come to overpower your common sense. Also, make it known early that you don't think you want children. The reason for this will be explained on deeper in the
Page 2)
book.
Now she's hooked. You have your wife, you are newly married. You want to start out on the right foot. You want to be in control, you want to call the shots, you want to see to it that you're the head of the household, and if you don't teach her this right from the start, it will be damned near impossible to change later in your marriage.
The first week, you must disagree with everything. When she asks you if you want eggs for breakfast tell her no, even if you really do want eggs for breakfast. When she fries up a batch of the flapjacks you asked for, push them away and tell her you wanted eggs. She'll look at you like she doesn't know you, but again, remember, she's stupid, remind her who you are. Her man.
Act like it. Let her know just what's what and do not bend. She'll probably cry, but just thrust out your chest and belt her one to give her something to cry about. If you can't bring yourself to give her a good slap, you can at least make her feel stupid by looking at her like you don't even know her.
Women care about how things look. That's how they are. It's stupid I know, but use that to train them. They aren't very likely to leave that first week in the marriage because it would look bad to their family and friends if they tuck tail and run after only 7 or 8 days. You will be amazed at how far you can get in the conditioning and training of your woman in just one week.
We are men. It is our duty to train our women and let them know right off the bat who wears the pants. We all know that women are stupid. It's up to us to teach them that. We begin our lesson by sharing what we've learned works best for teaching our women how stupid they really are.
One of the first things you must remember to do, is to tell your woman she's behaving "just like her mother". I've learned that women don't like to hear that. Once you point out this very important piece of information, your woman will do everything she can to avoid behaving that way. Even if she isn't behaving like her mother, when you see something out of her that you don't approve of, just say the words, "You're acting just like your mother." Or even more scalding, "You look just like your mother when you do that." Or, "You sound just like your mother." You get the jist.
If you can remember to do this, this is the beginning of a successful union between you and your woman.
At every opportunity, make SURE to point out what she's done wrong, and then show her the right way to do it. Women are like children. We can't expect them to know everything right away. If we don't teach them, how will they know? Remember, basically, they're stupid.
You must bear in mind, that even once trained, they will forget and slip back into their childish ways, and even until the end of your life, you will be forced to re-train them, remind them, so don't think this is an easy task. We are men. We can repeat things as often as we have to, to get the job done.
---
The end of the first excerpt. I will add more as time permits. Address questions or comments to me at dhari@darkdarling.com
---
I dreamed that you called, we were going to get together at a party. We were going to laugh and talk and just have a good time. But I walked in, and I saw you, and my tongue refused to move. I knew I couldn't say a word. Why, I don't know. Somehow though, you understood. I saw it in your eyes. We nodded to each other, and mingled with others, but we didn't speak to each other. But that was ok. You were there. It was a good party.
I do miss you very much.
And to those who wonder who this is for.. it's for Nunya.
Wow. I would probably be killed for having this in my possession. Amazing. They really DO have an instruction book. This is for the generic rednecks though, it's not entirely fair to dub them 'rednecks'.. because real rednecks are the guys who work in the fields and get sunburned necks.. green, innocent and sweet little farmboys (uh huh, they do exist, I hear) and these generic rednecks just .. well there's nothing sweet about them, but they like to call themselves rednecks. (And they always add, " and I'm proud of it"(that's one of the rules!) )
I had to go into the mountains to get a requested cemetery photo from a woman who lives in a city far away, and at the gate I found some litter, 7 or 8 empty and crushed beer cans, a torn dog eared but neatly folded magazine photo of Wynona Judd marking a page in this manual that someone had left just laying on the ground.
I knew it existed, but you can't begin to imagine my excitement at actually finding one. I was thrilled. Generic Rednecks are as secretive with it and jealously protect that secret like an old woman hangs onto her handbag after she just cashes her social security check and before she walks to town to pay her utility bills.
At the risk of my life, I'm going to start leaving excerpts here for you ladies to read, so you know what you're getting into, if you're being targeted for slavery (aka wifedom) by one of them. An ounce of prevention is worth decades of agony! Read, Learn, and Listen, then RUN LIKE HELL!!!
These excerpt copies are dedicated to Jessica.
More to come...
Thank you for the Christmas card, I love how you did that!!
I'll have mine in the mail to you in a day or so! (Hopefully)
Your wedding pictures are too cool, and I LOVED your honeymoon photos! Thanks for letting me see them. I'm leaving a link here so I won't lose it!
http://moorman.eventpixels.com/?event=Blair-Smith_Wedding&offset=0
Thanks again and I'll email you soon, I promise! Love you both!
I was reading a news article:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6651230/
It seems this woman is trying to sell her father's ghost, so her son isn't afraid in the house anymore. The news article has sent lots of folks to ebay to read the woman's auction, (which the bid is up to $14,935.66 as of this writing)
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=19270&item=5539709069
(shipping is free)
Copycats have listed their father's ghosts, their cat's ghost, too, some claiming "this is no joke" .. and some are just poking at the bidders.. "this IS a joke, but look anyway".. some are including their dad's socks, his cane, grampa's old cologne, (barely used)... One auction contains a missive of "where you go when you die".. bible quotes showing that there are no ghosts...
http://search.ebay.com/fathers-ghost_W0QQsojsZ1QQfromZR40QQsatitleZfatherQ27sQ20ghost
*laughs*
People really will do anything. They really will.
(Dad, I SWEAR should the time ever come, I promise I won't sell your ghost on Ebay!!!!!!!!!)
Thanks for sending me the pics to post, Meli...I'm going in slow motion lately.. I'm going to try to post them tonight! I've had more babies around here lately than Carter's got Liver pills (does Carter's still do Liver Pills?) - and I've not had time to do ANYTHING but sit on them!!! (the babies, not the liver pills)
It was a good one. Dad came in and all the family was at the table.. we ate until we couldn't eat anymore. Mom, as always, cooked one helluva dinner! I DO SO WANNA DO IT AGAIN!
The little ones had a good time, especially Mallory. Anytime there's food EVERYwhere like there was Thanksgiving, her eyes sparkle and her elbows don't stop bending. That youngin' loves to eat!
I didn't get one single picture - I grabbed my disks, threw them into my purse, and took off, but left my camera home. Smart, eh? Mom had a camera but I didn't even think of it because Dad keeps it in Florida. He'd brought it home but I just didn't think about it. I'll remember pics at Christmas dinner!
Thanks again Mom, dinner was DEEEEEEEElicious!!!