Juel's Journal

What the well dressed famine is wearing this season...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7656383/

Meet the Fockers.

I loved the Mannery Gland, but most especially I loved the part where Dustin Hoffman met Denero for the first time..and was explaining why he was doing martial arts in the yard.. something to the effect of ...

...I sometimes think I could just...snap."

If it's worth saying once...

...it's worth repeating.

I absolutely despise having to pick up someone's dirty washcloth from the bathtub after their bath. That's just nasty, please! Rinse them out and PUT THEM IN THE HAMPER WHEN YOU'RE finished with them!!!!!

Vengeance belongeth unto me; I will recompense, saith the Lord.

Romans 12:19

...and I don't mind a bit to be his vessel. :)

Once Upon A December...

Dancing Bears,
Painted wings,
Things I almost remember,
And a song someone sings,
Once upon a December

And a song
Someone sings
Once upon a December

Don't know who holds the copyright on this.. it's from the Disney film "Anastasia" - and Deanna Carter sings it. One website I found says the author is Jaimi Rating. Anyway, it's hauntingly beautiful, and Mikyla's favorite song. :)

My World Today.

I suppose some folks might call this day dreary and dismal, saying those words with disdain, and it IS dreary and dismal, but those words are different for me. To me, that means it's a beautiful day. The clouds are out, it's cool, and the prospects for a nice spring storm are pretty damned good.

It's a perfect day for cemetery hopping.

I just have Joel today, so I should have gone to do just that, but alas, I woke up this morning with an all day headache. It's almost gone now though.

I'm in the mood to get out and haunt old buildings and graveyards.

A fella mailed me about the old Corbin Hospital a couple of days ago, and that's given me the itch to get out there again and explore those old beloved places.

There's a cemetery in Middlesboro I'd like to find, I hear that the graves are in pretty bad shape, and that you can actually see bones laying on the ground. How cool (yucky) is that?

Sarah has generously let me keep "Joey Da Paow-wot" as Mallory calls him.. I'm not sure for how long, it was supposed to be just overnight a few weeks back and Joey Da Paow-wot is still here. Sarah said the first time though, that she hears Joey say "Mammy's boy" that she's feeding him to the cat! So I'm careful not to repeat that phrase to him 2000 times a day, and only say it to him 1500 times a day, lol.. just to be on the safe side.

So far he hasn't said it even once.

Joey and I just came in here to play on Neopets, and we were just having a snack of Cheeze-It's and Diet Coke - I don't think Cheeze-It's are healthy for Parrots because of the salt, but he was on my shoulder and he shot out his beak and stole one before I could stop him, luckily he dropped it and so I wiped off the salt and gave it back to him, he munched on it, more careful that time to hold it in his claw, while he chipped it up.. he didn't really eat it so much as crunched it up into little crumbs which are now on my shoulder like little flakes of orange dandruff.

He does like Diet Coke and black coffee.. *laughs* Alright, animal activists, don't get your underdrawers in a wad, I don't give him but a sip, the bird loves it. Who's to say he wasn't human in a previous life and just craves that stuff now? I promise though, I won't give him any rum. Unless he asks for it.

The humans in my family are doing pretty well. We got a letter today from the human who just moved away with her boyfriend, she wants her father proud of her. What can I say. Shortly after getting the letter the phone rang and it was her just checking in. That amazed me, we hear more from her now than we did when she lived here.

Animal activists, Joey is trying to smoke. *sighs* What's a mother to do? I just took him back to his cage.. because we all know, once you give them permission to smoke in front of you, they just smoke all that much more.

Bonnie is talking about college again..

Sarah is still painting on her house, I was supposed to go help her today but I was too lazy and my head was hurting to boot.

I had a wild dream about Sarah last night. I dreamed she had Maegan, and I went up there to see her. She'd put her in a baby bathtub with about an inch of water in it, clothes and all. Beside her was a little bit bigger baby, a boy...too with his clothes on.

Sarah stood and said, "Maegan's hungry." I asked her how she knew, and she said well, I keep her in that water, and when she turns her head and tries to drink it, then I know she's hungry.

I reached out to touch the baby and she was cold and clammy, and her little head was turned and she was trying to drink the water. I asked Sarah if she wasn't afraid that Maegan would drown in there, and I picked her up out of the water and started to take off the wet clothes. She was just so cold..

Her lil body was covered with marker doodles.. swirls and squiggles, all colors, and I was drying her off and I asked Sarah who had written on her like that.. I felt like I was about to lose my temper, trying to get the marks off of her, and Sarah just nonchalantly said, "Well mom, I just painted my walls, and I thought it'd be better for Mikyla and Mallory to write on Maegan than on my walls..."

What a dream...

Mom and Dad are doing REALLY well this week. Thank God.

Lisa and Nick have another cold. I'm trying to avoid them. I guess "Like the plague.." fits here like a glove.

As for the little people in my world, they're all fine, none are sick. :)

Mikyla will be 5 on the 28th. We're going to have a birthday party for her at Mom's.. she asked me for a backpack like Breanna's...and school supplies. So that's what I got her. I think she's going to love the scissors best, she's never been allowed to touch them before. I can't believe my best friend on the planet is going to be 5. When she's in school, I'm going to miss the hell out of her. I really am. :( I think she's going to love school, she's looked forward to it for so long now..so that she can be considered 'big' like Jordyn... but ol' Mammy's just gonna be lost without that little girl following me around like my shadow.

Satan...I've discovered that if I type Stan's name really fast, it comes out 'Satan'.

Stan... is moping around today like he's lost his best friend. I know how he feels. No, I can imagine how he feels, but while I almost know how he feels, I don't exactly know how he feels. I just wish I had the right words to make him feel better.

April Snow

No snow for Christmas, but...we have snow for spring. This is proof. The world has truly turned upside out.

Walls are Not for Boogers.

An Educational Book for Children.
Boogers illustrated by No one yet, but I'm sure someone can do it.

By Dhari Blythestone

Walls are not for boogers.
Sleeves are not for boogers.
Under the table is not for boogers.
Curtains are not for boogers.

What is for boogers?

Tissue is for boogers.
A handkerchief is for boogers.
Moist towlettes are for boogers.
Even toilet paper can be used for boogers,
but...
Walls are not for boogers.

Are pants for boogers?
No! Pants are not for boogers!

Is furniture for boogers?
No! Furniture is not for boogers!

Are television buttons for boogers?
No! Television buttons are not for boogers!

Are bedspreads and pillowshams for boogers?
No! Bedspreads and pillowshams are not for boogers!

Are walls for boogers?
No! Walls are not for boogers.

What have we learned, little ones?

What are for boogers?

Tissue! Yes! Tissue is for boogers!
Handkerchiefs! Yes! Handkerchiefs are for boogers!
Moist Towelettes! Yes! Moist towelettes are for boogers!
Toilet Paper! Yes! Toilet paper is for boogers!

And now we know that boogers have their own very special places.

Walls are not for boogers.

4 Tomato Plants

I set out 4 tomato plants yesterday afternoon.. well, ok, I set out 2, Mikyla set out one, and Mallory set out one. We should have a bunch of tomatos come summer. I do think though we may have jumped the gun a little, seeing as how the weather man is forcasting snow for us this weekend. I'll have to remember to cover them up if it goes to getting colder.

Dad Nextelled me to tell me that he's bought 4 plants for himself too.. (for mom to set out for him)

God I'm so glad it's spring.

Have fallen petals ever made you cry?

The wind was blowing this afternoon. The sky was gray, it looked and felt like a big storm was coming in, and I stood on the porch and watched the wind blow the petals off of the dogwood, and somehow I felt lonely to the bone. I couldn't help it, I stood there crying like a damned fool, feeling mega-silly, because I have absolutely nothing to cry about. Just a lonely feeling watching the petals fall. I don't know what the hell's the matter with me.

Something I Should Have Known.

Lately, though Sarah isn't working anymore right now, I find myself busier than I was before. Busy with my house, busy checking in on Dad and Mom, worrying about them, busy helping Sarah at her house, busy worrying about O.J. with Stan, and looking after her kids more than I had been. Busy birthday shopping, for Dad and Mikyla. Too busy this week to remember to ask Bonnie how her day was. Too busy to ask her to sit with me for pop or coffee when she gets off work, tired.. eager for her to pick up Joel and go home so I can rest. Too busy with other things, and too tired to want to keep Joel extra for her so she can have a break. I didn't realize I was hurting her feelings and tonight she was pretty upset at me.

I do keep Sarah's girls a lot.. they're good company for me and have been here with me since they were pups. But then so has Joleybean. Ah hell, I don't know what I was thinking, I didn't mean to hurt Bonnie's feelings or make her feel like a Black Sheep. I try to justify not keeping Joel like I do the girls, by saying he's in this terrible 2 business - so fast, grabbing at everything, into everything...he runs me ragged - he won't stay in his crib at naptime anymore, and he will NOT stay in the playpen for the time it takes me to put him in it until he climbs out - and when Bon gets in from work, I'm so relieved to turn him back over to her I guess she sees that and misconstrues it that I don't love him like I do the girls. That's not true, I adore the lil twirp, but I think I'm a bit older now and it's harder to keep up with Joel for me now than it was even just last year with Mallory. Hell, Mallory wore me out last year.. poor Maegan. She'll be 2 in almost 3 years, and egads, I hope she doesn't feel super left out.. I'll be 46 then. EGADS!

Bonnie, I'm sorry for making you feel like that. I honestly didn't mean to. I love you honey, and I love Joel. Never doubt it. Sometimes, seeing how independant you are, and how you just seem to have it all together, I forget you still need me. When I'm reminded of how much you do, I confess, it actually surprises me. I'm sorry. I should have known.

The Man

I keep dreaming about him. He's scary. He wears gray cotton pants and an old gray work shirt. I can see a tee shirt at the collar of the workshirt. I never can see his face. He's thin and tall, and scary as hell.

In one of the dreams, I have to take an elevator to the cafeteria in a school. I'm always late, but I don't know what I'm late for. To get on the elevator, I have to climb a small ladder, grab onto one of those poles like in a fire department, then swing over onto the elevator.. I'm always on the elevator going down, then to get to the cafeteria, I have to swing from the pole, onto the little ladder, then onto a platform and then jump into the cafeteria, where everyone is eating.

I know the man is above me, and I'm scared he's going to manage to get onto my elevator, but so far he hasn't.

I've dreamed the cafeteria dream about 6 times now.

Another dream he's in, is where me and the kids are in this great big funhouse, it's not at a carnival though, there's just a big gate, and you enter, and then it's like you're in a huge clown's mouth. There's rolling barrels you have to cross, and then big platforms that move and jumping onto them takes you higher and higher into the funhouse. We go up, and at the top you come to a huge slide that you have to sit on burlap bags to slide down and out of the funhouse. Only thing is.. at the top is the man. We have to be careful not to step on the wrong platforms going up, or we'll end up on the one he's standing on.

He's not doing anything, just standing there, just somehow I know if I get too close to him he's going to do something God-awful. In the dream, I'm terrified of him. I've had this funhouse dream about 4 times.

He shows up again in another dream at a school where I'm picking up one of the kids. The school is long, one story.. and we have to watch the doors to be sure he's not waiting closeby. I pick up the child - who isn't anyone I know, and then I hurry past the other doors, knowing he's standing there behind one of them. I've had this dream a couple of times.

In another one, he's at this courthouse. It's not the courthouse here in town, I'm not sure where it's at.. but it's raining, pouring, and I'm with someone, but I don't know who it is. We're trying to find somewhere to get in from the rain, and the courthouse is in the center of the square, shops all around, but there are no loitering signs on all the shop entries, so we can't stand there to stay dry. The only place we can go is into the courthouse. The doorway is normal size, but once inside, the rooms are very small. The ceiling is so low that we have to stoop over to keep from bumping our heads. As soon as we go in, I know the man is there. The person I'm with wants to go on into the courthouse where the ceiling might be higher, but I tell them no, that the man is in there, and I'm afraid of him. Then I notice a heating vent in the wall, and I can't stop staring, somehow I know the man has something to do with that vent. A woman in an off white colored sweater comes into the little area where we're waiting for the rain to stop, she smiles and says hello, then she tells me that the man is inside waiting for me whenever I'm ready to go in. That's all I recall of that dream, but I've had it about three times now.

The next dream concerning the man is at an old house. I know of dreaming of this at least three times, but the house is different each time. In one dream, the person who owned the house has died.. I don't know why I'm going through the house, but in this one, my attention is drawn to the cellar stairs. I start to go down them, but someone calls out to me to be careful. I hesitate and look down there, it's dark and I can hear water dripping. The stairs are unpainted, but then again, they look like they were gray at one time. I'm suddenly just positive the man is down there. I'm almost too afraid to turn and go back up the stairs, because I know as soon as I turn my back he's going to be directly behind me.

The other house is a farm house. All around it are fences and cages with different farm animals inside.. chickens, peacocks..a rooster in a cage alone..
There's a dog walking around, but it's not interested in us, it's sniffing around towards where the birds are, I think he's looking for food. Again, I think the owner of this house has passed away, and I'm not sure why I'm there. I go inside and up the stairs, and again there's unpainted worn stairs leading to a cellar. This time I don't go to the cellar stairs but towards the living room, upstairs. Something copper is hanging on the wall and I get closer to try to see what it is, but I can't quite make it out. Suddenly I know it's not anything I need to see - that if I get over there close to it, the man in gray is going to step out and I won't have a way to get out of there away from him.

The most recent dream of him was last night. Another house. In this one, I was so thrilled, so excited to get to go inside this house. Again, I don't know why, I have never seen this place before. It's old, and looks like it's been abandoned for a long long time. This time, Stan is with me. He's excited about going inside too. We go onto this good sized screened in porch, then we have to wipe our feet good before we go inside. Once inside, it's like yet another porch, but this one is enclosed, and looks like a regular room. Still, the door to the house itself is on the other side of this second porch.

Have you ever seen a laundry shoot? The ones I've seen, when you look into them, you can see the metal shoot going down, towards a basement or ground floor. This room had what looked like a laundry shoot a few feet beside the door of the house, but when you looked into it, the metal of the shoot was going up...as if for someone on an upper floor to drop their laundry down, into the room where we were standing. The shoot curved, so that you couldn't see straight up into it, all we could see was a string - sort of a thick piece of white twine - hanging down out of it.

Stan was laughing, happy to be there, and so was I.. he saw the string at about the same time I did, and almost out of reflex, he reached out and touched it. We heard something clink in there, and somehow I knew it was The Man's 'alarm' system. I knew that he knew anyone who saw that string would be compelled to touch it, and he must have had a piece of metal tied to it on up in the shoot where we couldn't see, but that when we did touch the string, it would hit the metal on the side of the shoot, and let him know that we were there, so he could 'get' us.

Suddenly I was scared to death. I told Stan that we had to get out of there, that the man would be coming for us. He agreed and we turned to get out of there, but the porch was so big. It seemed to grow as we tried to get to the door. The faster we ran the more the room grew and the farther the door was. We were getting nowhere, and the man was getting closer to us. He was coming! I woke up shaking like a leaf.

He showed up in two more dreams that I can recall right now, once at my mom's friend's Nancy's house. Nan just bought this house, and she's so proud of it. Her kids are little again, but I'm the same age as now. Nan asks me to babysit for her while she runs to the store for cigarettes. I agree, and she leaves. When I turn around, two of her kids are in the dining room playing but I can't find the third one. One of the other kids tell me that he's upstairs playing, so I head for the stairs to check on him.

The stairs just keep growing. I go up one, and another one seems to take its place. It's like there's no end. I turn corners and the stairs keep coming. I keep climbing, and climbing but there are no rooms where a child is playing, just more stairs going up and up. I climb forever, and then suddenly I know, I just know the man has gotten the child I'm trying to find, and he's waiting at the top of the stairs. I turn and go back down, and the stairs seem like they're right in the clouds they're so high. Still I keep running frantically back down,
but then I'm sure that he's going to be downstairs where I'd left the other two children playing.

The last dream that I can recall him being in, is at a hotel. I'm there with my family on vacation. Our room is about 4 stories up, and so yes, there's another elevator, and we have to go up in it to get to our room.. and our room is way at the end of the hall. We go in, and it's a gorgeous room, full of live green plants.
I get my clothes out and go into the bathroom to take a shower, turn on the water, and then someone knocks at the window of the bathroom. (4 stories up)
It's a woman and she's beating frantically, and I can tell she's knocking as she runs because she's knocking on other windows farther down the row.. warning everyone that the man has escaped and he's there at the hotel, for everyone to lock up and be careful. That's all of that one I can remember.

I never can see his face, only his form, and his clothes. In some of the dreams I don't even see him, I just know he's there, or someone mentions that he's there. I'm not sure what kind of shoes he's wearing, but I want to say black work boots. He's never holding his hands out in a threatening manner, but in every dream I'm terrified of him, I just know he's going to hurt me and badly so. I don't know who this is, or who he represents, but sheesh. Enough with the man in gray, already!

*laughs* Naps?

Talking to a friend over icq, he commented that he hopes the kids didn't nap too much today so that they'll sleep for me tonight. That cracked me up. These kids rarely, if ever, nap.

*wistfully remembers the days of naps*

He's hoping they've not napped, and I'm fondly remembering the good old days when they did! Go figure!

Smokin' Joey

Everyone's trying to quit smoking, but for Joey. He just can't seem to put them down.

(Bon's trying to quit, she had one hidden, tucked on top of her ear, beneath her hair, Joey found it - we didn't let him get any of the tobacco!)

Basic Ramblings from a Fevered Brain.

Sometimes things happen, and you know they're coming, but you're not entirely ready for them, but then zap...they happen anydamned way. Joel climbing out of his crib and play yard this week is one of those things. I am SO not ready for him to be doing that yet.

He climbed into the bay window a couple of days ago. Lightenin' fast. Before I could get to him to get him down, he grabbed the sheers and tugged. Down they all came.. Giggling yesterday morning, he reached for Mikyla's water glass and promptly dumped it over onto the bed, I guess to see what was on the bottom of the tumbler. Things like that are important to a 2 year old. hehe.

The pope is buried. I suppose I should say rest in peace, but my guess is he's in heaven doing all sorts of wonderful things.. so I'll not wish rest on him. When someone we love passes away.. do you imagine them lying still, just..resting...or are you like me and picture them just having the best time in heaven... getting acquainted with those who have gone on before them.. running in meadows without fear of being critter bitten.. if they reach rocks or rough terrain, just take off on wings and fly through the rough patch. Doing somersaults on a cottony cloud and never worring about falling or breaking any bones. Never scared, or cold or hungry. No shame, guilt, remorse, just an eternity of bliss...always smiling, laughing, every second filled with such wonders as we'll never be able to imagine.. learning, knowing all the secrets we aren't allowed to know here. Joy in it's purest form. Peeking down here from time to time to check on us. No.. I won't wish rest on him. I'm sure he is at peace, which to me is worth so much more than rest.

I laid down for a nap this evening, while Joel was sleeping, and I had the sweetest dream. I didn't sleep long, the phone woke me, but this was nice while it lasted. I dreamed that Mikyla and Mallory was playing in a field or park someplace.. they were both wearing the prettiest white cotton dresses with little cornflowers on them... I was just hovering over their heads, close enough to smell their clean hair, just watching them play from above them like I was flying. That was pretty cool.

Mom went to the doctor today, and when I asked how it went, she said ok, that he was proud that she's stopped smoking, but he wants her to lose some weight. She's otherwise doing pretty well. I asked her if she asked him about her memory loss.. or told him about getting disoriented in Lowe's last week, but she said she forgot to mention that part. *laughs* Mom.. you're priceless.

No on to more sobering thoughts. The dead pool. I had 2 points, having voted for the Pope, and Prince Ranier. 2. 2 points. Then I checked Sarah's page. She had 2 points as well for the same 2 men. Yet... their names weren't there anymore.. she'd taken them down and replaced them with 2 more bets. I thought since she'd done it, that's what I should do too. So I did - Sheep that I am. THEY TOOK MY POINTS AWAY. *sighs and shoots Sarah a look* I'm sorry they took yours too. Better luck with the new guesses.

My PetPet Woke Turmaculus!

He gave me green boots! How 'bout that!

Yet again...

The kids have strep throat and Mallory has a touch of pneumonia, and, as always, they've shared it with me. I'm feeling some better this morning, but good Lord, this has to be the last round of bugs for the season. Bleah!

Joey

This is Sarah's Parrot, "Joey".. She bought him from a lady in Somerset today.
He's 2 years old, and just adorable!

I love this bird, he's too neat!!

*sits to wait for Sarah to get tired of him*

I'm tired.

It's been a full day. We've got a lot done in the kitchen, I think it's going to look good. Our clocks go up tonight.. I hate this time, it seems like all it's good for is to give us an extra hour to work. I'm lazy. I don't want an extra hour to work.

I'm thinking about shutting down darkdarling... while I love the site, the cemetery photos, all the VERY cool photos my friends have submitted, I have to confess, I've been weighing the time and expense here, against where else the money and time could better be used... and I don't know if I can justify this hobby any more. I'll have to think on it some more.

The pope passed away.

We found a mummified mouse in the wall.

My girls are bickering.

The little ones are sick again.

It's been cold and rainy all day today.

It's been that kind of day all day long today. The sort of day that feels like you're trying to walk against a current up to your chest. There were two nice things today, though - Lisa brought us some meatloaf and mashed potatos, (Acey ate that "meat cake" like he was starved to death, he loved it, and I agree, it was good. :) - and.. dad gets to come home tomorrow, that was a pretty nice surprise.

Spouse/Child/Animal Abuse

Studies show that people who abuse animals are likely to abuse their children and/or spouses.

That just seems like common sense to me.

"One of the most dangerous things that can happen to a child is to kill and torture an animal and get away with it."
­ Margaret Mead

Quote taken from:
http://www.animal-lib.org.au/lists/violence/violence.shtml

The Right to Die.

I don't know for sure, but I've heard it said, that suicide is illegal in the United States.

So.. Doc Kavorkian is in jail.. for assisting terminally ill patients to commit suicide. What about their right to die? They're not going to get well. Most terminally ill patients are going to die a horrible, and painful death, yet where is their right to die?

My thoughts...

Terri Schiavo couldn't feed herself. If the news can be believed.. she could swallow, she swallowed her own saliva, it didn't have to be suctioned. Yet said one of the folks on Fox news.. her husband wouldn't permit anyone to re-teach her to eat, saying he was afraid she'd choke to death if they did. (yeah, yeah, go figure that logic, if that's true.)

What common sense told that judge, that he should rule that Terri should be given absolutely no food or water.. by mouth. That's not artificial. That wasn't a tube. That poor woman was forbidden ANYthing by food or mouth. It seems to me that the whole argument would have ended then and there at feeding time.. If Terri wanted to die, she'd have spit the food out.. and if she'd wanted to live, she'd have learned to eat. If she could have had that opportunity.. I think I'd feel better about this whole thing.

I think, in effect, Judge Greer and Michael Schiavo are guilty of a worse crime than Dr. Kavorkian. Kavorkian helped his patients die humainly.. gently. Greer and Mr. Schiavo helped Terri die a painful, gruesome, horrid, slow death. Try going 1 day with no food and no water. One. 1 day. Hell, most of us go 6 hours without food and we're grumbling that we're hungry and have to eat or we're going to just die. 13 days for Terri.

Maybe she did say she wouldn't want to live like that. Heck I've said that too.. but.. I know for sure.. I don't want to die like she did either.

Good God.

I think people have a right to die with dignity. I think if any of us are unfortunate enough to be in the situation Terri was in, we should at least be allowed to be guided to our crossing in a gentle and humain fashion.

I don't think Terri's mom would have taken this so hard, if she hadn't had to watch her child starve and dehydrate day by day. A fast painless death would still have hurt Terri's mother, hell yes it would have...but the death Terri died, to a mother, would have to be too much to have to witness and accept without a fight. I'd have faught too.

A mother is a nurturer. It's our job to feed, clothe and protect our children. It's deeply ingrained in most of us. Above all we don't want our children scared, hungry, thirsty, or cold.. to a mother, knowing our children are afraid, or hungry, or thirsty, or cold, kicks in every instinct within us to "do something", to "fix it".

I can say, from experience...as a mother...knowing the men my gals have dated, and in a couple of instances, married...I certainly wouldn't rest easy in my heart or mind with one of those fellas making a life or death decision for my child, should she become incapacitated. Good Christ. Some of them weren't capable enough to order their own Big Macs at McDonald's, much less make such a crucial life or death decision for my daughter.

There was no written directive from Terri.

Michael said she didn't leave a directive, verbally or written when she was first ill.

He remembered she didn't want to be kept alive artificially 6 years later.

Hell yes. I'd have faught Michael Schiavo too.