July 26, 2007
My Dad...
Yesterday morning, they listened to his lungs, he had great breath sounds, they started weaning him from the vent, and he did GREAT! He fought like a tiger to breath and stay calm so he could get off of that thing. And he did it!
He was so hungry, he ate some apple sauce, and some jello, then the kitchen sent him some mashed potatos, sweet potatos and brocolli with cheese, and he ate most of that. He couldn't like the brocolli, but he ate most of the rest of it.. said he was so hungry he didn't care what it was.. and oh was he happy to have that tube out of his throat and the one out of his nose.
Dippy brought him his favorite coffee cup and his Nescafe coffee and Lisa made him a cup.. he drank it, no.. he savored it!
I stepped outside to smoke, and when I came back in, I was shocked to see him sitting in the chair beside the bed. He looked so good.. :) He said, Juel, where's the camera.. ain'tcha gonna take my picture? I laughed and said you bet I am! I grabbed my camera and started taking all kinds of shots of him in his chair... he just posed and smiled.. I asked him if he wanted me to post them on my journal.. he said, yeah I do.. would that be alright? I was so relieved to see him up and smiling, HELL YES Dad, it'll be just fine! I went camera crazy.. :)
At about 5 or so, the kitchen sent him dinner.. little squares of potatos, and something that smelled like fish and looked like fish outside, but looked like chicken inside.. I told Mom I didn't think Dad would care for the "Chish" - and he didn't.. he was still full from his lunch.
Lisa went home to rest, and Mom asked me if I'd go get Nick to come see him for a while.. Nick had been so very worried about Dad, so I took off to get Nick, and boy did that thrill him to be able to go see Dad. He sat on the edge of the bed, held Dad's hand and Dad told him that they'd go fishing one day soon. Nick just beamed. He adores Dad.
We didn't stay long - we didn't want to tire Dad out with visitors, so I took Nick home, and while I was there, I went in to say hi to Papaw, and to tell him how well Dad was doing. I showed him some of these photos so he could see that Dad was alright, and then I said Papaw, why don't you smile for him, I'll take your picture and show him that you're okay too.. so he did..
Dad asked me to bring him back a Milkshake, he said he thought he could take one.. he's not been able to drink or eat any kind of dairy products in a long long time - they would make him cough. I stopped by Dairy Queen at about 8 this evening and got him the biggest chocolate Milkshake they sell.
Lisa was back there by the time I got back with it, and she sat and helped him drink it while I took even more pictures. His hands were so swollen from being on the vent he couldn't hold it for himself. He just kept drinking, saying Mmmmmm.. I know that felt good on his throat.
I stayed a while longer, then told him I had to go, I had to come home and get the kids bathed and ready for bed.. but I told him I'd be back through the night, and if he needed anything to just call and I'd be back there in 5 minutes. He said okay.. and that he loved me too.. and he just kept drinking on that milkshake.
I came home, got the kids ready and we all laid down, I fell to sleep, and the phone rang at about 1:15. It was Shannon, she said that Dad was having some problems breathing and they'd called respiratory in.. for me to come on back, that Lisa was scared.
I got there and Lisa and Shannon and Mom were in the waiting room - so I sat to wait with them while respiratory were working on Dad.
Lisa said that Dad was fine, he was resting really well.. they had him on his right side.. and he was supposed to lay there until 1:30 this morning.. he kept asking her how much longer, because it was making him uncomfortable. Then asked her to get Frank, his nurse. She did, and then she said she panicked because Dad looked like he was turning blue. Frank asked her to leave the room while he turned Dad on the other side, she did.. and the next thing we knew, my Dad passed away.
When we got over the initial shock, I talked to Frank. He said that Dad didn't suffer, he didn't cry out, he just went to sleep. He wasn't sure if it was a heart attack or a clot in his lung, he just went to sleep and they couldn't get him back this time.
I'm still in shock. We all are. We're strong. He taught us to be independant. We're going to be alright, eventually. He loved us very much, and I can not complain or lament that they couldn't get him back on the vent before he died... he told me earlier today that he remembered every detail of being on it and it was pure torture, then he shook his hand at me and said never again, no more of that thing.
I take comfort in the fact that that didn't happen to him again. I take greater comfort in the fact that when we first lost him last Wednesday, we were given one more day. One more day to tell him we love him, and to hear him tell us he loved us. We got to hear him laugh, we got to hear him joke around, we got to see his eyes, open and alert, we got to watch him eat, we got to hold his hand and just have one more day with him.
I'm still in shock.. very much so. I can still feel the shards of glass all over me, only now they're imbedded so deeply I will never get them out. I don't know what else to say, just that I know you all loved him very much, and I know he loved you too. I'm sorry, so sorry - this loss is all of ours.
April 20, 1943 - July 26, 2007
I will always love you Dad. I'm going to miss you so much, so very much.
Sleep Gently, Rest Easy. We will be together again. Posted by juel at July 26, 2007 06:20 AM