Dad, it's been one month. Lisa said you left at 1:15 and they ran her out of the unit and called the crash team, then they pronounced you gone at 1:42 A.M. That's the time on that hateful death certificate. I miss you so damned much it's indescribable. This world without you is unimaginable.
Joel came over tonight and he said, "Grampa said you're full of shit Mammy." Then he giggled. I love it when they remember you. When they pipe up with something you've said to them, or done with them. They all remember, even Maegan goes looking for you when she's over there. I dread the day they forget.
It's not getting any easier.. but then while it feels like a thousand years, maybe folks are right.. it's 'only' been a month...that in time it'll get better. Mom, Lisa and I are staying close - but nothing is the same. Nothing's close to being the same.
I've been lucky to dream about you twice.. once, you, Mom and I were making soup at your apartment..and the other time Stan, Lisa, Nick and I took your boat out after you told us not to, and it got in the middle of Laurel Lake and broke down. We had to call you to come help, and you did.. but ohhh the looking over your glasses at us you were doing.. scolding.. You just haaad to do it, didn't you.. you just haaaad to take her out for a test run...
We've all smelled roses at one time or another. Just a sudden strong sweet rose scent fills the room, or the car then fade away. I've smelled it three times, and Mom and Lisa has countless times. We like to think that's you checking in on us.
I love you Dad. I have to go now. I'll tell you another story later...
Posted by juel at August 26, 2007 01:15 AM