...of making a sad situation worse, I would like to speak my mind about something that's really bothering me. Having been through two deaths in as close as two weeks apart, and now having known pain the likes of which I never dreamed possible, I can't sit by and watch while perhaps through misinformation, maybe it's simple purposeful misleading, though why, I can't begin to guess - someone is implying something about my Mom that's unfair, untrue and I've kept my mouth shut long enough. This requires a response, I feel that the past 10 months have earned me the right to voice this response, and so here it is.
Some family members are wondering why they weren't 'allowed' to go see Papaw in his last days, and I'm going to address that here and now. I don't mean to add to anyone's pain. I wouldn't do that for the world. However, if those members had taken a moment to think, I'm sure it would have occurred to them without this post.
Some things were said to him in the past that while I know he forgave, because he told me so, he didn't forget. He told me and I quote, "Juel, I love EVERYbody." And he meant it. But he continued, "I just rather so and so stay away from me." Those of you who knew him, know he could be a very hard man.. relentless, yes, you know what I'm talking about. He was firm, he was downright hateful in wanting things his way, and so that's exactly how he got them. Understand that while he was living with Mom, and it was Mom and Dad's house, it was also considered "Papaw's" house too.
Ah hell, who am I kidding, it became "Papaw's" house the second he moved into it. Meals were served that Papaw liked and would eat. The room temperature was set to where HE was comfortable. The television stations were set to things HE wanted to watch, the furniture was moved to accomodate HIS needs, ie/wheelchair, walker, etc.
Dad encouraged these things. He never grumbled, he didn't complain, he'd just nod and tell Mom to "Give Dad anything he wants." Period. That was the way it was from the day Papaw moved in, until the day Papaw passed away.
If someone was asked not to visit, and there were several of you, I know, it was because PAPAW asked that it be so, not Mom. Mom was the one to voice it for him, and I know those of you who knew him has to see the truth in these words, it was Papaw's request, and it was honored, just as every other request he had was honored. He said things of this nature not only to me, but in front of others, remember there were nurses in and out, as well as a host of other visitors.
And you know me, always there with my camera, I did get some of these things he requested or commented on, on a video. I'd never be as uncooth to post anything like that. But there is your answer. Why you weren't "allowed." At one point, one of you phoned, you had to hear Papaw's response, and Mom's reply, she asked him to take the phone and speak to this person. Another time one of you came, went into his room and Papaw turned his face to the wall. He wasn't interested. He said he wasn't, Mom told you that he wasn't, but she came anyway. That was the response she got from him. I'm sorry. That wasn't Mom's choice, that was Papaw's.
I'm sorry. :(
How you're feeling right now is probably the way I felt reading the digs left that were aimed at Mom. Not too good. This isn't Tit for Tat, this is a simple explanation, the only way I can see to at least defend someone who was working her ass off to try to make her Dad as comfortable and happy in his last days as possible.
Mom, I know you did it too. He told me how good you were to him.
One more thing I'd like cleared up, because it's the truth and needs clearing up. Papaw WAS in his right mind right up to the day he died. He knew us. He spoke with us, and he wasn't "feeble-minded". He knew exactly what he wanted, and exactly how he wanted it, so if you're under the impression he wasn't at himself, think again. He was very much at himself. Sure, he'd have off days, and sometimes he'd forget a name, but he knew exactly who we were and exactly where he was. I just wanted that cleared up too.
Think what you like now, I've spoken my mind. That's that.
Posted by juel at August 27, 2007 09:36 PM