I don't know. Maybe just Intuition. Hindsight and all that. The last year that Dad was alive, I started telling Dips, Hey, we have to go see Dad, I've not seen him in a couple of days. Let's get Dad some tickets and take over there. I want to go see Dad, I want to slip him some Lottery buying money. I made sure to talk to him on the phone every day. I just started doing things with Dad in mind, things I'd never done before. Like for his last birthday. It was SO importtant that that birthday was different, that it was special for him. When I talked to Lisa and Mom about it, they agreed and we had him the Hawiian themed party, Lisa and Nick danced a hoola dance with the rest of the family and Dad sitting there laughing his ass off, enjoying it thoroughly. The girls sang a song for him, they looked like dolls and he just clapped and applauded for them. He had such a good time, an earnestly good time. Then next, it was Father's day. I remember Mom coming in to sit down with us at the kitchen table for a few minutes to eat, then she wanted to go outside and eat with the others. Dad didn't want to go out, he said he wanted to eat inside, so I just stayed there with him.. I remember telling Mom I'd rather stay in and have Father's day dinner with him. I remember looking at his plate, he was eating, trying hard to eat, but I saw his pork chop, untouched, he was just eating the mashed 'taters with light bread.. how he loved Mom's mashed taters. I remember thinking, poor dad, that perfectly beautiful pork chop, one of those big ones Mom makes - fried to perfection, and I knew he liked them, but just accepted that he must not have wanted it. I kept eating, the meal was sooo good. He kept eating his taters. That was another good day. I have so much to be thankful for, I got to be with him, talk to him, right to the bitter end. I just wish I could have done more for him. He never expected more, he never expected anything, and was happy with the smallest thing we did for him. Today, 6 months ago was the magical day in the hospital when we thought it was going to be alright. His very last day with us. A very very good day. Maybe somehow something nudged me to be there. Nudged me to stay with him on Father's day.. his last one.. maybe something urged me to make his last birthday special.. maybe it was just a coincidence. I just read somewhere that coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. I don't remember where I read it, but I like that. Jana, I want to thank you for listening and for the pep talk. You're wonderful..I just wanted to let you know that.
Okay, I'm out of here, I have to get up early and get some birthday shopping done. Mom's birthday is Sunday. G'nite world. I love you all.
Posted by juel at January 25, 2008 10:42 PM