Juel's Journal - Part 2

It's Almost Over

Romans 12:19
King James Version
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

When someone hurts your child it's difficult to accept that verse. It's almost impossible to keep your mind from fantasizing about all the ways you could retaliate, or 'get even' - not that there could ever be an 'even' when your child was hurt.

Today, I looked into the eyes of evil, and he dropped his head. For a brief second I saw fear there, and shame and above all, I saw guilt.

In that instant of eye contact, I stared hard, asking why with my own eyes, and I saw those answers in his, then shook my head at him as he lowered his head in defeat. I felt two things. First, great disgust for not only what he used to be, but also for what he is today...and then to my surprise, I felt pity. Pity that the once mighty, frightening, violent being has been brought to this -
oh not that kind of 'forgiveness' pity, I know I am supposed to, I know I'll never feel that one - I mean a kind of contemptuous pity.

I sat 2 rows behind him. That once fat bulging head, wizened now, that of an old old man, broke out into a sweat. I wondered if my eyes were burning him. He kept rubbing the back of his head with his hand. I just wondered, wow, it's only been what...10 years - if that. Ten years did this to him? Aged him 60 years, took the color from his hair, the glow of health from his face, leaving this pasty faced shell?

Not in any of my fantasies could I have achieved this level of 'even'.

Posted by juel at February 8, 2008 11:42 AM