Juel's Journal - Part 2

Bonnie

only has about a month and a half left then we'll be meeting little Tristan. Bon, I'm glad it's almost over for you... poor thing. Leave it to you to be big and pregnant in the worst draught we've had in decades...and the highest temperatures. It's been hard on you, I know, but it's almost over! Hang in there - I love you!

Mom

Today was easier than yesterday... Tomorrow will be better than today... and they'll keep getting better from here out.

Love you.

Chris...

(from Mom)

Where does a one legged lady work?

At I-Hop!

I know, boo boo, hiss hiss!

Admit it, you laughed!

Shannon...

I'm sorry. I didn't get them ready, but I will have something posted for you tomorrow though, I PROMISE!!

Love you!

Lisa...

*coughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughs
coughs
coughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughs
coughs
coughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughs
coughs
coughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughs
coughs
coughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughs
coughs*

Do you hear cash registers ringing every time you hear a cough?

Congratulations, you and Nick deserve it. Dad would be thrilled. He worried so much.

Here's you some more bells, just cuz I love you...

*coughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughs
coughs
coughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughs
coughs
coughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughs
coughs
coughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughs
coughs
coughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughscoughs
coughs*

Mallory...

Tricked me. She's had a hard day.. fell off of the swing, scratched up her elbow.. then later she was minding her own business, watching Zoe 101, when Maegan threw a bottle of nail polish at her and clipped her right beside her eye.. spang on that bone.. ouch!

In between that she was in trouble off and on for slinging her hands, knocking things over, pushing her sisters, picking fights, just general kidstuff.. so by this evening I was pretty tired, and ready for her to get in bed and stop for a while.

On her way into the kitchen where I was washing off the counter...she thwapped Maegan upside the head then kept coming, right into a scolding from me... it went like this:

Me: Mallory! Why did you do that, now she's crying.. you've done this all day long, I'm putting you in time...

Mallory: (Putting her hand over her heart) I pledge allegience to the flag, of the United States of America...

Me: ...ou... (Abrupt halt to the scolding, my hand went up to my own heart)
...to the flag, of the United States of America... and to the Republic...

That kid!!!

Dad's Tombstone

I went with Mom today and watched her buy it, order the inscriptions, and they're going to set it up in roughly 6 weeks. It's really a nice stone. Lisa and I bought the footstones to match, they say "Granpa" and "Granny" The kids didn't call dad Grampa, they called him Granpa.. so that's how it's spelled. That was hard. As hard as it was for me to watch, it was so much harder for Mom to have to do. She also paid for the company to etch Papaw's name and death date into his side of his and Mamaw's stone. They wont be doing that though until it cools down. The woman said it's too hot for the sandblaster to have to put on the gear he has to wear to do it now, but as soon as it cools off. So that's all been taken care of. I'll post a picture when it's all set up and in place.

Toots!! Look At These!

I think they're Magic Roses! Over a week now and they're still just as beautiful as they were when I got them! Isn't that neat!!?

Hey Grammaw!!!!

What's fer supper!!?

Chicken n' Dumplins done jis' right -
Fresh garden veg'tables on the table tonight..
We got chicken legs for the youngins, and a big chok-lit cake...
Enough good food to make your liver quake!

Yummmm Yum!!

Hehe.. talk about a blast from the past. We did have a good dinner over here tonight, and everyone came to eat. I sure missed Dad... very much so, but you know, I'm going to get over that. I'm going to try to stop wallowing in that and just be thankful that Mom's still here. Things are very much by far NOT as bad as they could be in my life. I still have soooo much to be greatful for, and wallowing around in this grief isn't the way to show it.

Dad, I'm not letting go of you. Not by far. I'm just going to try to look at this new life for what it is. As good as it will ever be again, and while I have it, I'm not going to waste a moment. I'll still cry. I'll still miss you very much. I just have to stop missing you so much that I'm missing life with those I have left.
I'll still tell you stories now and then, but they're going to be about what's going on in my life as it is now. I know that's how it should be. I know that's how you'd want it. I love you Dad. Thank you for loving me right the hell back.

At The Risk...

...of making a sad situation worse, I would like to speak my mind about something that's really bothering me. Having been through two deaths in as close as two weeks apart, and now having known pain the likes of which I never dreamed possible, I can't sit by and watch while perhaps through misinformation, maybe it's simple purposeful misleading, though why, I can't begin to guess - someone is implying something about my Mom that's unfair, untrue and I've kept my mouth shut long enough. This requires a response, I feel that the past 10 months have earned me the right to voice this response, and so here it is.

Some family members are wondering why they weren't 'allowed' to go see Papaw in his last days, and I'm going to address that here and now. I don't mean to add to anyone's pain. I wouldn't do that for the world. However, if those members had taken a moment to think, I'm sure it would have occurred to them without this post.

Some things were said to him in the past that while I know he forgave, because he told me so, he didn't forget. He told me and I quote, "Juel, I love EVERYbody." And he meant it. But he continued, "I just rather so and so stay away from me." Those of you who knew him, know he could be a very hard man.. relentless, yes, you know what I'm talking about. He was firm, he was downright hateful in wanting things his way, and so that's exactly how he got them. Understand that while he was living with Mom, and it was Mom and Dad's house, it was also considered "Papaw's" house too.

Ah hell, who am I kidding, it became "Papaw's" house the second he moved into it. Meals were served that Papaw liked and would eat. The room temperature was set to where HE was comfortable. The television stations were set to things HE wanted to watch, the furniture was moved to accomodate HIS needs, ie/wheelchair, walker, etc.

Dad encouraged these things. He never grumbled, he didn't complain, he'd just nod and tell Mom to "Give Dad anything he wants." Period. That was the way it was from the day Papaw moved in, until the day Papaw passed away.

If someone was asked not to visit, and there were several of you, I know, it was because PAPAW asked that it be so, not Mom. Mom was the one to voice it for him, and I know those of you who knew him has to see the truth in these words, it was Papaw's request, and it was honored, just as every other request he had was honored. He said things of this nature not only to me, but in front of others, remember there were nurses in and out, as well as a host of other visitors.

And you know me, always there with my camera, I did get some of these things he requested or commented on, on a video. I'd never be as uncooth to post anything like that. But there is your answer. Why you weren't "allowed." At one point, one of you phoned, you had to hear Papaw's response, and Mom's reply, she asked him to take the phone and speak to this person. Another time one of you came, went into his room and Papaw turned his face to the wall. He wasn't interested. He said he wasn't, Mom told you that he wasn't, but she came anyway. That was the response she got from him. I'm sorry. That wasn't Mom's choice, that was Papaw's.

I'm sorry. :(

How you're feeling right now is probably the way I felt reading the digs left that were aimed at Mom. Not too good. This isn't Tit for Tat, this is a simple explanation, the only way I can see to at least defend someone who was working her ass off to try to make her Dad as comfortable and happy in his last days as possible.

Mom, I know you did it too. He told me how good you were to him.

One more thing I'd like cleared up, because it's the truth and needs clearing up. Papaw WAS in his right mind right up to the day he died. He knew us. He spoke with us, and he wasn't "feeble-minded". He knew exactly what he wanted, and exactly how he wanted it, so if you're under the impression he wasn't at himself, think again. He was very much at himself. Sure, he'd have off days, and sometimes he'd forget a name, but he knew exactly who we were and exactly where he was. I just wanted that cleared up too.

Think what you like now, I've spoken my mind. That's that.

Dad's Star

Dad's Star

Tell Me A Story...

Dad, it's been one month. Lisa said you left at 1:15 and they ran her out of the unit and called the crash team, then they pronounced you gone at 1:42 A.M. That's the time on that hateful death certificate. I miss you so damned much it's indescribable. This world without you is unimaginable.

Joel came over tonight and he said, "Grampa said you're full of shit Mammy." Then he giggled. I love it when they remember you. When they pipe up with something you've said to them, or done with them. They all remember, even Maegan goes looking for you when she's over there. I dread the day they forget.

It's not getting any easier.. but then while it feels like a thousand years, maybe folks are right.. it's 'only' been a month...that in time it'll get better. Mom, Lisa and I are staying close - but nothing is the same. Nothing's close to being the same.

I've been lucky to dream about you twice.. once, you, Mom and I were making soup at your apartment..and the other time Stan, Lisa, Nick and I took your boat out after you told us not to, and it got in the middle of Laurel Lake and broke down. We had to call you to come help, and you did.. but ohhh the looking over your glasses at us you were doing.. scolding.. You just haaad to do it, didn't you.. you just haaaad to take her out for a test run...

We've all smelled roses at one time or another. Just a sudden strong sweet rose scent fills the room, or the car then fade away. I've smelled it three times, and Mom and Lisa has countless times. We like to think that's you checking in on us.

I love you Dad. I have to go now. I'll tell you another story later...

Sarah,

You didn't call back last night, and we've not heard from you today at all. I hope you're alright. Looks like you'd call us!

Chris, I Can't Wait...

...for the season to change. I can't wait for the tomato vines to wither and die. I can't wait for the flowers to go to seed, and the cucumber vines to curl up all brown and crunchy. I can't wait for the dew to turn into frost. I can't wait to start seeing pumpkins placed on front porch steps. I can't wait until the air is crisp and clear, or until the summer haze is gone and I can see the stars at night.

I want to smell burning leaves in the distance. I want to see wisps of smoke coming out of chimneys. I want to go to Nancy Ky to pick apples at the orchard. I want to gather hickory nuts for the squirrels to hide. I want to go through the closets and take out the summer things, put them away and bring out the warmer clothes. I want to see Halloween decorations adorning stores and front yards.

I want to put the computer back in the den, hear the fireplace crackle, while I pretend I'm a writer again, all determined to finish a novel. I want to bake cakes in the oven again, without the house getting to hot to live in. I want to fix an unholiday turkey dinner. I want the house smelling like fall. Which brings the promise of winter, and with that, Christmas.

I can't wait because this has been one long and lonely summer. It's been a taking summer, not a giving one. For every moment of joy there's been ten of heartaches. l never want another summer like this one. Ever. I'm ready for it to go away. I'm ready for fall.

I can't wait.

But you know what really scares me? Is that as bad as this summer was.. someday I will look back at it and know that it wasn't so bad in spite of the heartaches it brought. That really scares me.

I Woke Him Again!

Mom's Fried Chicken

She brought me a chicken leg onto the front porch this evening. She wanted me to try it, to see if it was done and if it tasted okay. It was golden brown, fried to perfection and she handed me a fork, because she said, it was hot.

You had to be there to appreciate how good that piece of chicken looked, and it smelled much better than it looked. She was right, it was HOT, so I speared the fork into it and took tentative nibbles waiting for it to cool.

That was a mistake. You see, the little blood hounds who live with me, (who were at the time out in the yard playing) must have caught a wiff of that chicken because here came two of them just as fast as their legs could carry them.

Mallory: "Mammy, what do you have?"

Me: "A chicken leg."

Maegan: "In-a-bite!!" (I want a bite.)

Me: "Okay but it's hot, let's let it cool down a bit..."

Maegan: "In-a-bite!!"

Mallory: "Let me touch it, I bet it's not too hot for me, just let me touch it."

Me: "Back off with your hands, I'll give you a bite, just a minute it's hot.."

Maegan: "In-a-bite!!"

Mallory: (running for the screen door) "I'll just go get my own then!"

Me: "No, these are for dinner, you can just have a taste of this one until it's time to eat."

Maegan: "In-a-bite!!"

Mallory: "No fair."

Maegan: "In-a-bite!!INABITE!!"

Me: "Okay here you go.. "

I should have hidden to eat it. As soon as I said here you go, Mallory snatched it from my hand the way a starved dog in Ethopia would have done. She gnawed half of it and swallowed it whole, then Maegan stole it from her in the same fashion. That really miffed Mallory who insisted she was going to just starve to death unless I made Maegan give it back.

I promised her I'd never let her starve to death, that dinner was almost ready, but it didn't help. Since I couldn't pry the thing from Maegan once she had it, Mallory was just out in the cold as much as I was.

Man those were really some good chicken legs. Thanks for dinner, Mom!

Don!

Mom just told me you're coming in soon. I'll get the eggs ready for the egg toss, and I'll light the grill!

*coughsIwon'tdothecookingthoughyou-
gottadoitorI'llburnitagaincoughs!*

See you soon!!!

Mikyla's Bike!

She did it! She finally learned to ride it without the training wheels! Thanks Granny for helping her learn, she was scared with the rest of us!

Mom...

...just keeps chugging along. Sometimes it's hard to get through the days for me, sometimes I just go back to bed. A big pity-party to which I'm the only one invited. I cry and grieve and then get up and go on about my daily business, my routine here with Dips and the kids. The house, the yard, my life.

Everyone left last night to go birthday shopping for me and I was here alone for about 4 hours. The silence was deafening. Dad's clock cuckoo'd every half hour, "Grampa's saying hello!",The kids like to say when they hear it. I heard every noise, I had the quiet to be able to think for a while, and naturally my thoughts turned to Dad.

How sad, how blue, how lonely I was. I got to thinking about how Mom's doing. Her's isn't for 4 hours, but for all day, all night, every day, every night. Mom, I'm so sorry. I don't have words that can touch that emptiness for you, I don't know what to say to you half the time, I just hope you know that I'm here. I can be there in 5 minutes when you need me.

God this is hard. I don't know how you're keeping it all together, I know it's a nightmare for you, I know. I'm proud of how you're coping, I'm just sorry I can't do more to try to help you heal.

I love you Mom, I'm so sorry. :*(

Shannon,

I just wanted to take a minute to say.. that since we're sisters now, welcome to the fold. I do, however, want to be sure that you know we have rules. Since you weren't privvy to them before, I felt that someone needed to just sit and write them down so you will know.. *wicked grin* I'll number them so it'll be easier to keep up with. You might want to print them so you don't forget.. and maybe it'd be a good idea to study them, there might be a quiz.. I'm not sure yet!

1) Just because I'm oldest doesn't mean I look oldest. You and Lisa must conceed that I'm the youngest looking by far.

2) If I have something and you need it, by the rules you're required to say so.. and vice-versa. If I don't have it but Lisa does, you're required by the rules to go to her, and vice-versa.

3) Babysitting is free and at the drop of a hat. No exceptions.

4) We're not allowed to be jealous of each other. We are allowed to exhibit 'happy jealousy' but that's all and only for a brief few moments. Breaking this rule is punishable by Mom spraying aresol hairspray directly into the offender's face. Breaking this rule twice .. no wait.. we never have, the hair spray is enough to keep us from breaking this rule again...

5) We can never go beyond 24 hours being angry with each other. Over night is enough to start making Mom jittery, so while it's allowed from time to time, remember that anything over 24 hours is punishable by Mom taking Wire Pliers to the offender's fingernails. (OUCH!) Again, I'm not sure what happens when this rule is broken twice.

6) Never call Mom "Mother" - that vexes her. You may sometimes call her "Granny", or Gran, but 'Mother' is punishable by Mom making you eat potatoes which she's fried in cod liver oil. (Yuck!)

7) You must always check in at least once every other day, preferably once a day, but we can get away with the every other day business, unless we otherwise notify Mom in advance of where we'll be and who we'll be with and when we're coming home. She just likes to know we're alright.

8) You have to gain weight so that we can all share each other's clothes. *laughs* I like this rule!

9) Continuing because I like it, not because Mom insists (let's be fair about this rule business) anything that gets messed up, dropped, lost or cluster-fucked is automatically blamed on "Shannon". I LOVE this one!! hehe!

10) Forever and always we're all for one, one for all. D'Artagnan, Athos, and Porthos have nothing over on us. :)

I love you Shannon, thanks for everything. :)

Toot's & Paul's Roses

Toots, I got the prettiest red roses today, and a box of candy too! It's so much fun to open the door to that delivery man when you send me birthday gifts! I don't know how you remember just like clock-work every year, but I sure do appreciate it, Thank you so much! I love you both!

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My Birthday

Mom had dinner at her place, those big pork chops, (yum!) cake, presents, and we all had a really nice time. I'd dreaded it all day, went to the cemetery, just put off going as long as I could, but when I got there, I was glad I went, it was really a nice evening.

Bonnie, Kelly and Joel, Lisa, Nick, Shannon and her babies, me Stan and ours, Mom - we laughed a little, cried a little, the kids played a LOT, laughed a LOT,
rode bikes, and the cars, but they were annoyed with us grown ups because we wouldn't let them swim. Over half of the little ones are sick with colds.

Mikyla was still grouching at me for not letting her when we were getting in the car to come home. I said Mikyla, I don't want you getting pneumonia on me. She said with a huge sigh, "Mammy, Grampa had pneumonia but it was his time to go, it's NOT my time to go!" Such rationale.

Someone, I'm not sure who, took pics tonight. They got several of me, and I'm gonna post a few.. (yuck! I hate my own pics) Whoever it was got some good pictures of the kids too. :) I love those.

I sure did get a ton of presents.. I want you to looky here..

The smarty pants family got me old lady cards.. and if that wasn't bad enough they all wrote old lady things inside! *laughs* I will get even.

This one was my favorite one. It made me cry a little, but it was something nice to read...if you can't make out what it says, click on it and you can see the bigger more clear image.

On the ride home, Mallory got to talking about grampa, said she was missing him, but remembering the good times. I asked her what good times was she remembering, she said when he'd hug them and when he'd pretend to be sleeping and when they crept up on him he'd jump at them and say BOO! I guess that while the kids didn't seem to notice the empty chair, they did notice. They miss him as much as I do.

I got home, and hanging on the doorknob was yet another gift from shannon. The cutest pair of pajamas! Thank you, Shannon, that was fun to get!

Thank you everyone for making this birthday easier than it would have otherwise been for me, and for being there, and for the presents and even for the old lady cards, they made me laugh. I love you all very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very much.

Insert guilt trip here:
Sarah didn't call me today. *sigh* I don't know why. She said she would. Her mother in law remembered and called to say Happy Birthday, but Sarah just didn't manage to find the time. *Sigh* I don't know why, I sure hope she's alright down there. I do know the weather is terrible. I know she's been really busy working. *SIGH* I know how it is.. Sarah honey maybe next year. ;) Love ya!

Jana!

Thank you for the card. :) I love ya!!

Joel's First Day of PreSchool!

Bonnie said he did okay until he saw another kid coming in screaming MOMMY DON'T LEAVE ME, then Joel's mantra became, "Mommy, I don't need to be here.. Mommy, I don't need to be here..." Bless his heart, he stayed and he did very well, I think he's gonna do great!! Way to go, Joleybean!! I love you!

Bonnie

David & Goliath

Posing...

They were showing off for the camera like models. *laughs* The little runts!

Cousins...

Hannah spent the night with Mom this weekend, and they came over here for a while after Ashley's birthday dinner. The girl's had a really good time.. and Hannah climbed that tree like a chimpanzee!

Happy Belated Birthday, Ashley!

Dad's Grave Yesterday

It was raining...

The Girls Yesterday

Dad's & Papaw's Graves Today

Today was the first time I'd gone back up there since Papaw's funeral. The live flowers from his service were all dead and awful looking so we took them off and cleaned it up a little. Mikyla and Mallory put some flowers on his grave to make it look like he has more than he has. We're going to take some more up there tomorrow and try to make it look a little better. Live flowers are nice but they dry up in that heat and die too quickly.

Maegan spent her time throwing dirt at us...

We put more flowers on Dad's grave...

Talk about a lonely sight...

I still can't believe it.

Little Smarty Pants...

Mikyla has been eager to learn to ride a bicycle without training wheels since she saw that Haley can do it so easily. She's tried for days, and is almost doing it...she just stops peddling and so the bike topples over and that's that. Today she got tired, frustrated and started crying. "Mammy, that's it, I quit, I just quit, I can't do it, I'm done with this trying, I'm DONE!"

"NO I CAN'T, I QUIT!"

On the ride home from Mom's in the van, she asked me if I was 'mad' at her for quitting.

No honey, I'm not mad at you.. a little disappointed maybe but not mad..

Good, I didn't think you were.. I'm not disappointed now.

We got home, I got them ready for bed, and almost in bed, when I noticed Maegan dragging out the quilts, unfolding them, and when I looked more closely, she'd taken the toys out of her little toy kitchen, they were everywhere.
I was trying to fold clothes and hang some up at the time, and I just looked around in dispair and said, "I give up! The more I straighten, the more she messes, I can't keep up with her, I give up!"

Mikyla smirked and shook her head and said, "I'm disappointed in you."

The smarty pants!

Tell Me A Story.

I have one for you now. It's about a family who is missing the hell out of you. It's about a younger sister who can't seem to pull it together sometimes, then other times seems to be as strong as a rock.

It's about a woman who's furious that her husband just up and died on her, so angry that I know if she could, she'd throw rocks at you, then give you a hug.

It's about another sister.. slightly older but who looks like she's the youngest who can't seem to mourn and grieve because 3 little girls are watching and it scares the hell out of them. She does her crying late at night on the porch, or at the graveyard if the kids aren'there. Did you ever hear of anyone making an appointment to grieve?

In this story there are children who keep looking for you, one of whom sings to you as if you're sitting right there on the floor beside her.. "rampaw ah wub yewwww." - She never sang that before, so you missed it. You'd get a kick out of it though. The middle little girl hasn't changed much, just her big eyes are more somber now. The little boy in the story just keeps saying that Grampa is sleeping, and the biggest little girl just keeps saying that everything's changed now. The oldest Grandson is trying to be the man of the house(s).

It's the story about a family who loved you very much, who are hurting, who are doing well to just tread water, but I know you'd be proud, because the water is being treaded, we're not drowning, but Mikyla is right. Nothing is the same. Nothing will ever be the same.

I miss you Dad. Sometimes I just want to talk to you so badly. Sometimes I really do just want to.. tell you a story. I just want to see you looking over those glasses at me with disbelief that I actually said what I just said, I don't care if it's mocking me, laughing at me, angry with me, proud of me, I don't care what reaction it'd be, just so long as you were here.

I love you. I'll tell you another story later.

Thank You Toots!

I got your card yesterday, it was beautiful. I love you too.

Advance Notice...

I took photos while Papaw was crossing. I got anomolies which to me and everyone who sees them are just beautiful. Mom was holding his hand and singing gospel songs to him - we had physical signs he was ready to cross, and I'm quite sure the room was filled with God and Angels.

The photos show clearly throughout his dying that the camera was working fine, the shots immediately before he passed were clear and crisp, the photos after he crossed were clear and crisp, but the photos of his actual crossing are are full of wisps and curls of the prettiest white light surrounding him, his whole bed, and Mom's hand.

I am going to post these photos for those who loved him to see. I will however, password protect the page, so that only family and friends can view them. If you would like to see them, email me at imdhari@alltel.net and I'll give you the pass word. Don't mail me for it if you only want to criticize my having taken them. Mom wanted the photos taken, I did, and I'm glad that I have them. I think those of you who loved him will be glad as well. They without a doubt show that we weren't alone in that room. My only regret is that I didn't take photos when Dad crossed. There wasn't time, we didn't know he was going to die. I'd have loved to be able to see the angels blanketing him to take him home.

Meli

I Love you!

Mom,

Thanks for going with us last night, that was fun. It felt strange to just get out, nice though. We'll have to do that again! Love you!

Chris,

Good Morning!

Another day, another.... day. Hope you're having a good one! Love you, mister! Wish you could have come to Mom's the other day for the birthday dinner - The egg toss was fun! We missed you there! Maybe next time. :)

Sean!

Mallory & Maegan's Birthday Party

Shannon got the cake, she had all of our names put on it who had birthdays in August. That was neat. :) Thanks, Shannon!

The kids had a good time, got lots of presents and I got some cards and a nice tranquility fountain from Shannon.. I LOVE that thing, talk about nice! Thanks again, Shannon! Thanks for the cards Debbie and Carol. :)

We took stuff to make dinner, Mallory wanted hot dogs, so that's what we had, and hamburgers (which I burned crispy on the grill.. dinner would have been inedible if Don hadn't taken over and rescued it!)

Here's some pics..

Dips and I got Maegan and Mallory a new bedroom set.. I'll post a pic when we get it set up.. Thank you everyone for all the gifts and cards (and cash) that you gave to the girls. That was a fun birthday party. :)

The Egg Toss

Nick and Allen were the last 2 with unbroken eggs, so they each won 5 bucks. That was fun.

Carol got the worst of it - she missed!

The Kids, Back To School

Aug 8 was their first day back to school.. I took a pic for you Sarah. They're beautiful, aren't they!

Family Photo

Don suggested we take a shot of all of us on the hill behind Mom's.. so we did. I'm glad, I like these pictures. :)

Strange Dog

This fella just showed up on the day Dad died. He wont leave when Mom tries to run him off.. he just meanders away, really slowly.. and he goes to Lisa's house for a while, directly he comes back to Mom's. He's gentle, big soulful eyes.. so strange that he just wont go away. The other strays usually leave the first time Mom runs them off with a firm SCAT, GET OUTTA HERE!

Papaw, August 7, 2007

He ate another push up, but he wasn't able to hold it for himself this time.. so I didn't get any pics of him eating it, because I was feeding it to him. I did get some other photos though...

Maegan went in and Mom tried to get her to give Papaw a high 5.. Papaw held up his hand, but Maegan wouldn't do it.. I don't know why because she always did before, but this time, she just backed away, wouldn't give him 5. She did however give him a kiss...

I went outside on the back patio for a while, and lo and behold, what was on the wire? Three doves. Three. Two at the hospital, and I related them to Midge and Jean coming to get Dad. I tried to run them of and they wouldn't go. Now there were 3.. Midge, Jean and Dad? Yeah, you know that thought had to go through my mind..

I went in and sat with him a while, tried to get him to talk with me, but he said he couldn't. I commented to Mom as she came in to check on him.. he doesn't want to talk with me.. he said, No, that's not what I said, I said I can't talk with you.. he made sure we understood that he wanted to but just felt like he was too tired. Mom left and he told me to bring my chair close to his bed.. when I asked why, he said he wanted me to talk to him.. so I did put my chair there, and I asked him what he wanted to talk about.. he said anything, that he just wanted me to talk about anything, but he just wanted to listen, he didn't want to do the talking. He told me he loved me a couple of times, then he just turned his eyes to the window and listened while I talked about things the girls do, about the weather.. just idle chit chat.

This is the last picture I took of Papaw while he was with us.

Hospice came on the 8th, and Papaw passed away at 5:31 on August the 9th. We had his funeral yesterday at 4:00. Good night Papaw, sleep sweet.

Papaw August 6, 2007

Papaw was winding down, getting tired. He wasn't eating much, if anything, so I was pretty tickled when he agreed to eat one of the push ups I took to him. He was able to hold it and eat it himself. When he finished the first one, he ate another one. He said those were the best ice creams he'd ever eaten.

Silly Superstitions?

I've heard that if a bird tries to get into your window, you'll have a death in the house. I know that on the 17th Bonnie and Kelly hit a bird with their car, and it flew into Bonnie's open car window. Its neck was broken and it was flopping around in the car so they pulled over and Kelly killed it. He said that it was the only thing he could think to do because it was suffering.

When Dad was in the hospital 2 doves stayed in front of his window, picking seed or something from the ground. I kept running them off but they just kept coming back. They bothered me, but they just kept coming back.

2 doves. I just can't help but think of his 2 sisters, Midge and Jean.

No. I don't think this is a silly superstition at all.

Hey Chris

It's hot here today - they're giving heat warnings, telling us to check on our pets and old folks.. I bet the fish aren't even gonna bite today.. too hot to bother!

School starts back for the kids tomorrow.. doesn't it figure they'd go back just when the water in the swimming pool finally warms up? I think they should wait until September like the kids in most other areas do!

Have a good day today, don't work too hard! Love ya!

Maegan on her 2nd Birthday

We didn't have her party yet...but she got to go out with her Nana and Papaw for dinner and they got her an ice cream cake, some presents, then took the girls to the park for a while. They had a good time and Mallory (her birthday is on the 11th) got some presents too.

We're going to have them a party together this Saturday at Mom's. Since their birthdays are so close together it's just easier to do it this way. Sarah is coming in Friday night to be with them, but has to go straight back. I can't believe these kids are getting so old!!

New Pajamas

Hannah On Her Birthday

Papaw August 5, 2007

Jana's Dad's Carving

My friend Jana has a really wonderful keepsake that her Dad carved. Look at this, I just thought it was the coolest thing. I'd love to have something that Dad made. Jana, this is really nice...Thanks for sharing it! I had to show it off to my friends and family. :)

Dad's Grave Last Night..

There's a tree up here on one of the graves that has grown up to look like a giant "W".. isn't this neat?

I just last night noticed this solar light on Mamaw's grave. Shannon got it for her, it's really pretty.

Maegan!!!

Happy 2nd Birthday!!!!!!

I love you honey!

Happy Birthday, Hannah!!

Hope you get lotsa presents and have a wonderful day!!

Happy Belated Birthday, Brenda!

Hope it was a good one!!

Liz...

Thank you for the cards, that was nice of you to remember us through this. We all appreciated them very much.

Dede!

Thank you for the card and beautiful letter. That was so thoughtful of you, I appreciated that more than you can know. I'll keep it forever and ever!

Dad's Pages...

Dad's Pages

Summer Vacation's Almost Over

Didn't it go by quickly?

Ain't She Perty? :)

Lunch

It's so funny to see Deer out back in the garden. They sure have been enjoying Dippy's tomatos. This is twice this summer they've visited us there. :)

Papaw Today

Papaw's not feeling too well today, he said his head hurt and let me put a cool cloth on him. He won't usually stand for that. He wasn't hungry, he said he just wanted to rest and didn't feel up to company so I didn't stay in there long.

Mom

She's doing alright. I worry about her, that's only natural... but she's doing alright. Dinner time is hardest of all for her, we're just going to have to start doing different things at different times and make new routines. We're going to make it.. it's going to be alright. It's just going to take time to adjust.

Mallory

Mom gave Stan all of Dad's clothes a few days ago. She was taking to locking herself in his closet hugging them and had to get them out of the house before she lost her mind. We sat on the floor going through them, sorting things, and Mallory latched onto his jacket and put it on, put on a pair of his socks and as hot as it was that day she wore those things for hours before she finally let me take them off of her. Of all the little ones, she's taking this the hardest.